Jokes 2 off topic:
America, you face no extraordinary outside threat. That means you’re paranoid. If you’re paranoid you can’t get a joke.
This is going to be so offensive that I shall put on a disguise, a Freudian slip.
You are thinking they are taking over. “Did you see we got a state called Allah-bama?” Grasp that paranoia and crush it with the truth. There are 49 states not named after Allah.
Now I confess I never liked the guy. When they said, “90% of Afghanistan is controlled by rebels fighting the Russians, but there’s nobody there you would want for a friend,” I got out my crayons. “Dear Mr. President. Just drop weapons all over the place. Most of them will fall into the hands of the rebels.” He didn’t.
And it got worse under the Clinton administration when they were grooming him for our next boogey man up there with Stalin, and Hitler and Mao. No way.
I think it was his name. “Been Sodding a Llama.” Are there no camels?
In Italy many years ago I fell in with an English archaeology team headed for North Africa. By the time we got to Tripoli they realized I knew nothing about archaeology so they dumped me. I got a job with a camel train going south. One night I was sitting thinking about my raunchy cousins and getting homesick. I talked to the trail boss, who was smoking his hookah.
“The sand is hot; the air is cold and as it comes over the dunes it makes this throbbing sound. The moonlight on the palms is almost too bright to look at. I don’t know …”
“You need companionship.
“The guys are all right.”
“Female companionship.”
“Yes, that’s it.”
“Take my camel.”
“Take your camel?”
“All right. Take your own camel.”
“Oh, no no no no no. I know that camel.”
“True. But mine is a gentle beast. Look at her eyelashes. Her silky neck. She smells sweet for a camel.”
“Really.”
“Certainly. It’s quite standard. We’ve all done it.”
So I went over to his camel and blew in her ear. Now my Berber never was much good, but I swear I heard somebody say, “Get a load of this.” I ignored it.
I stroked her under the chin and then worked my way to the back, slowly so as not to panic her. When I thought the moment was right I ran and jumped. Yes!
It was embarrassing. They cheered, which was rude. They told jokes, which blasphemed against the gods of Israel and Mecca, against the gods of Persia and Greece. They sang the songs of Anacreon, which are madness. They drank date wine, which is an abomination, but at least I got a reaction. After an hour or an hour and fifteen minutes she climaxed and we collapsed. She reached her head around to nuzzle me and I said. “It’s all right. I know it wasn’t true love. You were just horny.” She gave me the camel toe and went to sleep. I went back to the trail boss.
“I know you always rib the new guy, but really. Some of those jokes I can’t even use. And it’s routine.”
“Well more commonly we get on the camel and ride it into town.”
So I’m not the one to talk. But after September 11 he got the credit for bringing down the towers. Think about it. Here is an airplane which is designed to be as flimsy as possible and last a few years and you run it into a skyscraper that is designed to shrug off snow and ice for centuries, scorn tidal waves and dance on earthquakes and you knock it down?
Opinions vary. Some talk about sabotage. Some say the old Halon fire extinguishers were never properly replaced. Skyscrapers don’t burn down but this twit gets the credit for it.
On paper we ditched the constitution with the Patriot act, but in fact it ended last may when we lynched him. Or was there due process I missed?
Not Hitler, Stalin and Mao together shook the constitution. He did it by turning your own paranoia against you. Get the picture. Brave and noble young men ready to give their lives to protect your freedom were on a mission that made you slaves. And you don’t even get the joke. The constitution is dead but Al Qaeda lives on. I hate that. Kill all you like but after every attack someone will call up and say, “Al Qaeda did that, planned that, inspired that.”
But I know what your real fear is. They are going to change the name to Al Osama.
Get a grip. Tell the world, “America is not afraid. Bring it on Al Osama. We have Al Obama.”
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